Crashbang's Workshop

Orbolg Sapper

Sun, 19 May 2013 12:02:21 -0400

The City of Steam Bestiary says Orbolg “lack proper awareness of their situation,” so this popped into my brain when I imagined what might go through theirs.

When I asked for feedback on the forums the only suggestions I got involved concern over whether or not the word “shinies” should be permissible since it’s used in other games, too.

I unilaterally decided to leave it in.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Dig.

Dig dug dig.

Dig dig dig lift lamp. Shinies? No shinies. Dig more.

Digging hard. Use pick. Pick smash rock. Small hole. Boom stick in hole.

Light boom stick.

Run.

Big bada-boom.

Shaking stop, back to digging. Easier now.

Clink clank? Rocks click clack, not clink clank. Shinies? Lift lamp.

Shinies! Shiny shinies!

Dig dig dig dig dig!

Dig … arm? Metal arm. Armor. Armor no good, hard to dig in armor.

Give to Foreman. Foreman no dig. Foreman fight. Armor make Foreman fight better. Foreman give more boom sticks. Dig more shinies.

Armor moved.

Armor moving.

Run.

Run run run hiss for help.

Scouts hear. Scouts come come help. Run past. Run forward. Many clink clanks.

Thuds.

Screams. Many screams.

Risk look.

Big. Big metal clink clanker. Not like pet clink clankers too big too nasty too many arms.

Arms have picks.

Picks shovels drills scoops clink clanker is digger.

Digger like me.

Clink clanker digger see me. Clink clanker digger move.

Help help run light boom stick toss duck big badda-boom don’t wait for shakes run run.

-=-=-=-=-

Dig.

Dig dug dig.

Dig dig dig lift lamp. Shinies? No shinies. Dig more.

Digging hard. Use pick. Pick smash rock. Small hole. Smash hole more, make bigger.

Boom sticks in hole. Lots of boom sticks. Foreman like new armor, give many boom sticks.

Light boom sticks.

Run.

Big bada-boom.

Happy.

Rock'Em Sock'Em Colossi

Sun, 19 May 2013 10:03:07 -0400

The following tale was written first as a spur of the moment joke, but I was asked what happened next, so I added more.

Then I was asked to post things in the Fanfic forum instead, so I revised, expanded, and rewrote it. (I even gave the characters names that time.)

And now I’m posting it here, just because.

Enjoy!

-=-=-=-=-

A band of adventurers infiltrates the Spire (not the big one in Nexus, but the one that fell on Delton), making short work of brood and strange automatons.

They are aided in no small part by the strength of Bob, their orc warder. On more than one occasion a swarm of monsters broils towards the party, only to have Bob place his shield in front of himself and charge in, knocking the creepy critters aside.

The stunned monstrosities are quickly picked off by the rest of the adventurers, including a goblin gunner named Merch, a draug arcanist named Excelsion, a Stoigmari warder answering to Gustavus, and a Heartlander channeler calling herself CodexRulz19.

Eventually they find a strange room near the top filled with levers, buttons, knobs, and wheels. One wall is nothing but a giant window, providing a magnificent view of what’s left of the great city of Delton. (There’s also a ledge just outside the window with a few potted plants, including some chrysanthemums that haven’t been watered in some time.)

Merch adjusts a lever, and the entire spire shakes. Immediately regretting her decision, she moves it back. It shakes again! Desperate to fix whatever she’s just done (and in spite of her companions’ cries for her to just stop touching things) she begins moving the lever back and forth, hoping that one position will put everything back the way it was.

Outside, the results are more obvious. The base of the Spire splits up the middle, extending and spreading apart bilaterally. Further up, two long sections of the spire break off, kept from falling into the city below by pistons of enormous size.

The Colossus does not sit by idly as this takes place. Noticing the Spire’s transformation, it lumbers forward, crushing the unfortunate houses in its way. With a swing from one of its mighty arms it strikes the Spire in the center of its mass, sending it back through several city blocks worth of rubble. Only some miracle of gyroscopes and automation allows the SpireBot to remain standing.

The adventurers now have little choice. Escape from the now bipedal SpireBot seems to be near impossible while the wrath of the Colossus is focussed upon them. Each brave (and not so brave) soul begins moving controls, discovering through trial and error what each button does. Together they face off against the guardian of Delton for the sole purpose of self-preservation.

Choose your own adventure!

Does the party…

Press all the buttons? (Turn to page 5 … no, 3!)
Harness the powers of friendship, teamwork, love, and/or the moon? (Turn to page 42.)
Dwarves, because dwarves. (Turn to page 31,415.)

-=-=-=-=-

Page 5 … no, 3!
“I have no idea what I’m doing!” cries the panicking draug arcanist as he pokes at buttons fretfully, pulling his hand away each time as if afraid that the machinery will poke back.

“Neither do I, Exxon,” responds the goblin (ignoring the fact that not knowing what she’s doing is what got them into this mess), “But that’s never stopped me before! Hm, this one seems to swing the left arm. That’s useful. How about … THIS!” Merch jumps and grabs onto a lever about a foot above her head, using her entire weight to pull it down.

Outside, large access doors open on the SpireBot’s chest to reveal row after row of rockets, each a gleaming white tipped with a dazzling red warhead. (Or at least they once were. Now they’re more of a uniform rust color.) Two of them crumble as the wind hits them, and another handful fall out, hitting the ground in small and very non-explosive clouds of rust.

“Now we’re talkin’” yells the gunner. “You! Meat Shield! I’ll bet that big red button next to you’s the firing control! Hit it!”

“I have a name,” the orc warder says glumly, “It’s Bob. We’ve worked together for five years.”

Nevertheless, he presses the shiny red button.

Outside, those foolish enough to remain in the city and lucky enough to still be alive see a sight they will never forget. The SpireBot swings both arms forward, catching the Colossus off guard and forcing it back a step or two. Holding its arms crossed at the wrists, the SpireBot half-squats and began to do a sort of rhythmic hopping motion.

As everyone, including apparently the Colossus, stares dumbfounded, the SpireBot places its hands on its hips and begins to slide one gargantuan foot along the already ruined ground.

The Colossus watches a bit longer, then reaches down, grabs one of the SpireBot’s feet, and begins slamming the SpireBot into the ground until its repeated impacts form a sizable crater.

Satisfied, the Colossus settles down and returns to its dormant state.

Well that didn’t work so well! Go back to the beginning and try again!

-=-=-=-=-

Page 42
“Let’s show that giant tin can who’s boss!” Merch yells while making strange chopping motions with her arms.

“Right!” replies the rest of the party, while all facing the same direction and saluting an imaginary audience.

For the next 10-15 minutes (depending on if you count commercial breaks) the SpireBot proceeds to attempt a series of ineffective attacks upon the Colossus.

“Good job! I think we’ve softened him up enough.”

“All in a day’s work,” moans Excelsion as Gustavus and CodexRulz19 do their best to pull him from the series of cables and ropes in which he became entangled shortly after the fight started. “And when did we decide to make the goblin our leader, anyway?”

“Silence, Excalibur! You! Meat Shield! Activate our secret weapon!”

“I have a name,” the orc warder replies glumly, “It’s Bob. We’ve worked tog-“

“Yes, yes, I know, your name is Glob or something like that. JUST PUSH THE SHINY BUTTON ALREADY!”

The orc sighs and presses the shiny red button.

Outside, those foolish enough to remain in the city and lucky enough to still be alive see a sight they will never forget. The SpireBot swings both arms forward, catching the Colossus off guard and forcing it back a step or two. As the SpireBot pulls its hands apart, a beam of energy forms between them. The beam’s intensity wanes quickly, revealing a large sword with extra points on it that, while impressive, must surely limit its effectiveness.

A goblin’s voice can be heard echoing through the ruined streets, amplified by hidden loudspeakers. “SPIREBOT SUPER ULTRA MEGAWEAPON SWORDTHINGY STRIKE GO!”

With lightning speed the SpireBot rushes forward and slices through the Colossus with a single smooth silvery strike. The force of the blow (or perhaps the strange energies that kept the Colossus powered for centuries) creates a tremendous explosion. Buildings that had not previously been demolished are leveled, and the glow can be seen as far away as Aglosen City, Voss, and North Haverbrook.

Joyous, the adventurers leave the SpireBot and go out to greet Delton’s remaining seven survivors. Six of the survivors will later die from injuries sustained in the explosion. The remaining Delton citizen goes on to found a successful real estate agency that thrives until he dies one week later from an unrelated infected paper cut.

As for the adventurers themselves, a company of Delton evacuees successfully sues them in a Nexus court for “all the monies,” and they spend their remaining days farming low level dungeons to pay off their debt.

Well that didn’t work so well! Go back to the beginning and try again!

-=-=-=-=-

Page 31,415
A bald dwarf with a magnificent beard stands upon a pile of rubble that was at one time a rather fancy restaurant. He raises one fist in the air, bellowing “FOR FORGE COJAX!”

Behind him, his cry is repeated a hundredfold. “FOR FORGE COJAX!”

There is a rumble felt vibrating through the city, one not caused by the Colossus or the SpireBot. Where once there was just one dwarf (albeit one striking a rather heroic pose), there is now a small army swarming over the ruined landscape.

The Cojaxians manage to get surprisingly close to the conflict, in no small part because the Colossus has no interest in them and the adventurers piloting the SpireBot have no idea what they’re doing. Once in range, the dwarves and allied Stoigmari fire grappling hooks (or in some cases, use specialized limbs) to climb the outside of the SpireBot. Some are brushed aside, falling to the ground like ants dislodged from a child’s clothing at a picnic. It’s uncertain whether they’re knocked off intentionally, but while some are removed by the right arm others can faintly hear a voice with a Heartlander accent yelling “Sorry! Sorry! Oh, I didn’t mean to do that! Do you think they’ll land on something soft?”

Eventually the dwarves and their allies manage to reach the SpireBot’s head, where they begin to fasten a row of barrels to the ledge lining the outside of the window. Most of the adventurers look at the dwarf leader with confused expressions as he smiles, waves, then drops out of sight.

All except for Bob.

It should be noted that Bob is not the stereotypical “big dumb orc.” Sure, he’s a tank - technically a “meat shield” as Merch is fond of calling him, but he’s actually quite intelligent on most occasions.

This is not at all like most occasions. Alas, when it comes to barrels, crates, and chests, Bob, like many inhabitants of the World Machine, has been programmed in a most pavlovian manner.

Bob doesn’t look glum any more. He no longer cares if the goblin remembers his name. He’s not sure he ever learned the goblin’s name, actually.

All he is sure of is that there are BARRELS just outside of that window, and barrels are only good for one thing.

“No,” whispers the goblin gunner, realizing the dwarf plan a moment too late and wishing, for once in her life, that she bothered to remember ANYONE’S name. “No, Garry! Jerry! Gunther! Sidney! StanCharlieFredWilma … BOB, DON’T!”

“I’M GONNA KICK ‘EM!” yells the powerful orc, a look of glee on his face as a thin line of spittle drifts behind him. With all his strength he swings his mighty leg, going clean through the window and into the nearest barrel. Its wood splinters in an instant, sending shrapnel in all directions.

The explosives inside the barrel help the splinters on their journey. The explosives in the other barrels follow in short order.

Back on the ground, the dwarves watch stoically as the SpireBot’s head is engulfed in a cloud of yellows and oranges. When the light show fades, the Spirebot is about one SpireBot’s head height shorter than it had been before. It remains standing for a heartbeat longer, then collapses backward into what is left of the city of Delton, sending even more rubble skyward.

When asked later why he would lead Forge Cojax on such a dangerous mission so far from home, Rune is rumored to reply “There was a goblin piloting that thing. We weren’t about to leave it at that.”

Well that didn’t work so well, but let’s face it - this is about as good an ending as you’re going to get.

Because @CoS__Gab endorsed the idea, here’s his character...

Wed, 15 May 2013 12:00:43 -0400

Because @CoS__Gab endorsed the idea, here’s his character riding a giant peach.

I’m … not quite sure how this idea spawned, but I’ve been up since 2:30 AM so it seems funny to me.

Dramatic City of Steam Conclusion!

Tue, 14 May 2013 14:08:00 -0400

(Previous Episode)

TL;DR: Apologies all around from the people who count (and me, too!), those who needed a stern word have received it, let the healing begin as soon as the Channeler balance issues are worked out and we can have healers in the game.

Last night I posted that I was banned from the CoS forums, and I vented a bit about it. Levest (one of the other mods, and someone who I still respected) offered to look into things for me, for which I was grateful.

This morning I woke up to see this tweet from Gab, the Communications Manager at Mechanist Games (and whom the wife and I also got to meet at PAX East):

The rest of this gets a little long, so I’m going to try one of those fancy “Read More” links here. Bear with me, I’m not quite sure how this works.

Still here? Wonderful! I was a little worried that there might be some level of radiation exposure or an explosion of spontaneously manifested corgis. It’s been known to happen. Should you notice a number of small dogs that wasn’t there before, or perhaps you’ve been transmogrified into an irradiated chicken, please contact me so that I may make adjustments to my equipment.

(Still not sure why it’s always corgis….)

Anyway…

I logged in to the forums (noting that at that point I COULD, in fact, log into the forums) to see this PM from Gab as well (copy/pasted with permission):

I haven’t been caught up completely, but the reason you were banned at first (though no longer), was because they felt you spammed about that sexist mod issue. It’s fine to bring it to our attention to fix this, but you also need to give us time to react. We’re on a different time zone (GMT +8), so can’t always tackle these things immediately… Also, OTHER mods aside from that one know how to handle these situations better -_- I’m sorry it got that far before it was settled.

As for wanting a refund for your Collaborator Pack… I don’t know if the damage is done and it’s too late to reconsider, so if you still want to get a refund, please contact: [internal contact information redacted by request]

(If you’ve already spent Electrum in game prior to this though, this may be harder to fully refund, depending on the policy. Support should be able to inform you further on specifics)

I’m really sorry for all this mess… We’ve had a rough start with this game, as you’re well aware; a lot of fires to try and put out…

Gab

I’ve also received an apology from Reality Squared (the game’s publisher and forum host, and the company who had given mod status to the person in question) by way of Levest, though I have not asked for permission to republish it here. Suffice to say, it was given and accepted.

So what happened?

First of all I forgot that Mechanist Games is on the other side of the planet (GMT+8 compared to my GMT-4). While I was seething about not getting any response from them, they were asleep because, hey, that’s actually needed in order to be functional. I should have waited a bit longer before going ballistic.

About that: I also flipped my lid in a very public manner. Not only did I post the screenshots here, I also linked to them in my forum signature and posted them to the City of Steam Google+ group. I would have posted them to the Facebook group too, but … well, I don’t like to use Facebook. That can be seen as being “spammy,” but only because it WAS spammy.

Was that necessary? If I was being ignored by powers that be I think I’d be justified in getting the word out, but remember they’re on the other side of the planet. The first time I contacted them the thread was deleted (which didn’t make it invisible to them but did move it out of plain sight) so they didn’t know what I was trying to report, and the next time they were sleeping was when I got banned by the (ex-)moderator.

This was something that could have been resolved more cleanly with a little more tact and patience on my part. Instead of saying “Hey, there’s that hornet nest over there - you might want to take care of that” I instead hit it a few times with a stick and tossed it in their lap. Neither path made it any less of a hornet nest and they would have still dealt with it, but they didn’t need that added stress from me, and for that I am truly sorry.

They’re trying to make a great game here and working to please as many people as possible while remaining financially solvent. That’s more than enough problems for any one company.

There will always be people out there who value others less than themselves, who make insulting and derogatory statements, then say people aren’t allowed to be insulted. Mechanist Games and R2 have made it be known that they’re not up for that kind of thing. That’s not the kind of community they want to cultivate.

How do I know this? Because the ones involved aren’t posting that stuff on the forums any more. Two of them (I’m assuming this, due to different writing styles) have already sent me some anon love here, showing me that on some level they know talk like that isn’t welcomed by Mechanist or R2. (They’d have a larger audience there. This blog is backwater by comparison, so they can’t get the attention they crave.)

It’s not welcome here, either. Controversy might build an audience, but posting pictures and videos of the games I play is more fun. I responded to those two, and now I’m done. The rest will be ignored.

(I replied to the non-anon asks as well. They were supportive and kind, unlike the two I published. They also allowed me to respond privately, so that’s what I did.)

Now those making chauvinistic comments are still on the forums. I’ve seen comments from devs and/or mods stating that they value dissenting opinions, which makes sense to me. I wouldn’t have been so upset myself except that mods should be ( and now have been) held to a higher standard when making their own posts. I wouldn’t have been so upset if all participants in that forum thread had been banned, including myself. Returning everything to square one is fine by me, particularly now that I have the offending parties safely ignored so I don’t have to deal with them.

I think at this point amends have been made. For my part I’m sorry for what I did to make things worse, And I’m looking forward to everyone helping to make things better.

are you upset because he's a mod and stated his opinion, or the fact that no one seemed to mind that he stated his "opinion" That having been there myself, I noticed the OP did not site anything apart from the fact that getting to level six, she flipped out and took to the forums to rant, nor did she want to continue the thread in an appropriate manner. Her responses were "pat pat nice troll."

Tue, 14 May 2013 12:16:05 -0400

“no one seemed to mind”

Tell me more about how no one seems to mind. I could post pictures of the other people complaining in that thread who you also conveniently ignored, but I think this is sufficient.

I will no longer respond to asks like this. You want to spew this tripe, do it on your own blog. There’s plenty of free providers out there.

A more detailed post about what happened this morning will follow soon.

City of Steam Update

Mon, 13 May 2013 19:28:00 -0400

(The last chapter in this ongoing tale can be found here.)

(And don’t forget this delightful ask from someone who may or may not be one of the forum members involved.)

So here’s the deal - The mod who encouraged all those comments? Mechanist Games (the company that makes City of Steam) didn’t make him a mod. R2 (the company that is publishing City of Steam) made him a mod, and I’ve been told that they weren’t happy about his comments either … not enough to remove his mod status, though.

Am I appeased? Not quite yet. He’s still a mod and there’s still no formal apology from him or R2, but my anger was partially misplaced. In this case it was not City of Steam but rather R2 that decided to make a chauvinistic child one of their mods, and didn’t think his comments were bad enough to remove his status.

I’m left with the uncomfortable situation of joining all the other CoS players (former or otherwise) who strongly dislike R2, albeit for entirely different reasons.

Edit: And just like that, I’ve been banned. No one else who was involved seems to have been, just me. Thought we were making some headway. Turns out I was wrong.

Why are you so seriously so mad about something so small? -Ryuusei

Mon, 13 May 2013 18:48:54 -0400

Because people like you still think sexist comments are “something small.”

The people who act in an offensive manner don’t get to decide whether or not (and to what degree) others will be offended.

Calming down

Sun, 12 May 2013 23:25:00 -0400

I think what made me angry more than anything else was not all the ignorant children (mentally and physically - the ages in their profiles averaged in the late teens) coming out on the City of Steam forums and laughing at me and others for saying we were feminists. There will always be people like that in the world, to one extent or another.

It was … well, it was a perfect storm of reasons.

I met the City of Steam devs at PAX East. They seemed like nice people who were truly excited about this thing they were making.
I’d been (somewhat) active on the City of Steam forums. Up until this most of them seemed like cool people too. Occasionally there’d be a spat over the difference between F2P and P2W, but you can’t please everyone.
My Warcraft sub ended today. Yeah. I hadn’t been playing much at all, and with certain expenses looming it seemed a good way to save an extra $15 per month. It just so happened today was the day.

So here I am, thinking “Well this game is beta but hey I’m in on the ground floor and I don’t need to install gigs of files while at the same time this thing seems to run better than WoW ever did” and then POW, A bunch of jerks, including several people with badges showing they’ve given LOTS of money to City of Steam and at least one forum moderator (maybe two, though it could have been a fake account) come out and show me what the community is really like.

I felt horribly betrayed.

I won’t go so far as to say I felt like I was owed anything (the forum’s full of enough people like that as it is), but up until that point most of them had put on a show of being decent, respectable human beings.

When I (and others as well) complained that maybe a moderator should behave better, everything got deleted. No apology, just a wave of the hand and it was like it never happened. First the moderator’s posts vanished, then when I showed I was willing to post screen caps of what he’d said the whole thing went poof.

One forum member, just one, apologized for his behavior before that happened. I retain hope that maybe he’s learning. He’s young, he can do that. (I’m old, and I’m STILL learning.) The rest of them? They’ve seen evidence that forum mods support and share their sexist views. The thread is gone, but there’s no official statement and the mod is still a mod, so it must mean the devs are on their side, too.

…

I don’t think I can play a game like that. I am sick to my stomach that I supported their development financially, no matter how small my donation was in comparison to the fedora wearers who all had a good laugh at me saying “Real men are feminists.”

I guess I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up.

rilgon: gnomepaladin: It started with one person posting her...

Sun, 12 May 2013 22:15:58 -0400

rilgon:

gnomepaladin:

It started with one person posting her dismay about the kind of armor in the game. Then the fedora wearing children came out of the woodwork.

I’m ashamed to say I gave this game money before I knew this was what could be expected from a forum moderator. (Yeah,the one in the 2nd photo’s a mod for City of Steam’s forums. The other titles like “Paragon” and the like with the fancy badges are for donating during alpha and beta testing.)

Part of me wants to think that the Devs haven’t weighed in because it’s the weekend, but it’s also the first weekend of the open beta, so I’m disinclined to believe they don’t know what’s going on.

Welp.

I was excited for City of Steam. Really glad I never gave them money at this rate, though.

Update: Someone deleted the whole forum thread.

It started with one person posting her dismay about the kind of...

Sun, 12 May 2013 20:11:54 -0400

It started with one person posting her dismay about the kind of armor in the game. Then the fedora wearing children came out of the woodwork.

I’m ashamed to say I gave this game money before I knew this was what could be expected from a forum moderator. (Yeah,the one in the 2nd photo’s a mod for City of Steam’s forums. The other titles like “Paragon” and the like with the fancy badges are for donating during alpha and beta testing.)

Part of me wants to think that the Devs haven’t weighed in because it’s the weekend, but it’s also the first weekend of the open beta, so I’m disinclined to believe they don’t know what’s going on.

City of Steam is a free to play browser based 3D game that has a...

Sun, 12 May 2013 09:41:18 -0400

City of Steam is a free to play browser based 3D game that has a steampunk aesthetic. (OK, they call it “Industrial Fantasy” because it also has magic, goblins, etc. and isn’t JUST steampunk.) At the time I recorded this the open beta had not yet been out for 24 hours.

In this video I create a gunner, play through the tutorial, and get myself onto the railhauler that leads to Nexus, the city where the majority of the game takes place.

I am aware that my toolbar got cut off. I am using a new video capture program and I’m still getting used to it.

City of Steam website: http://cityofsteam.com
City of Steam YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/TheCityofSteam/videos?view=0&flow=grid
My favorite CoS commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsEwxqDL7eY

“Fun for all ages!”

Sat, 11 May 2013 18:01:52 -0400

“Fun for all ages!”

I’ll take that as a compliment.

Sat, 11 May 2013 17:48:40 -0400

I’ll take that as a compliment.

The wife and I are playing City of Steam’s open beta. The...

Sat, 11 May 2013 11:53:00 -0400

The wife and I are playing City of Steam’s open beta. The controls take a little getting used to but so far I’m liking it.

Crap, who invited Lord Moon Moon Moon? (source)

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 19:37:37 -0400

Crap, who invited Lord Moon Moon Moon? (source)

bambialamode: i hate when you call a wipe and there’s always that ONE GUY that tries to stay...

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 06:01:14 -0400

bambialamode:

i hate when you call a wipe and there’s always that ONE GUY that tries to stay alive

In our raids we have a warrior tank that has historically had trouble dying. We call the wipe so he stands in the bad (including swimming through lava in the Nefarian fight) to end the encounter, and it just goes on for another 5 minutes.

“His breath smells like my uncle.”

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 18:01:36 -0400

“His breath smells like my uncle.”

Chen is a pandaren of simple pleasures.

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 12:02:27 -0400

Chen is a pandaren of simple pleasures.

My paladin swims through the air with the greatest of ease.

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 06:01:02 -0400

My paladin swims through the air with the greatest of ease.

They call him … Stormstout.

Sun, 21 Apr 2013 18:01:59 -0400

They call him … Stormstout.